You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
