you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
