lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
