you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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