I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
