Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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