They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
