We won't sleep together?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize