I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
