I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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