Buhtt sex?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i have two assholes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
