Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
