I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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