i was born a porn star she said
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
