We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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