Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
