so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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