Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
