Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
