I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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