Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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