No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
