yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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