i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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