And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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