I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
