It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
