We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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