He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
