She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
