my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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