my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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