I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
