32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
