ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
