I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
