this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
