Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
