I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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