just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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