What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Congratulations! We have a period
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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