he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
