I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
