I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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