Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
