I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sober January is a disaster.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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