Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
