If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Enjoy the penises
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
