Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
