Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
