So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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