Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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