I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
