But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
