Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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