He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
