Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
