What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
