Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize