I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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