Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
