Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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