i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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