I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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