I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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