I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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