so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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