I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
