Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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