you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize