So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
