Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
