i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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