That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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