So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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