I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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