I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
