Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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