im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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