Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
