so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
