what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize