I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
