One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
